What Does It Mean to Be Demisexual, and Can Ayurveda Explain This?

Question

For a long time, I thought something was wrong with me because I never felt attracted to people the way my friends did. They would talk about crushes and physical attraction instantly, but I never experienced that. I always needed to feel a deep emotional connection with someone before I could even think of them in a romantic or intimate way. I recently came across the term demisexual, and it finally made sense—it describes exactly how I feel.

But now I’m wondering—why does this happen? Is there a biological or psychological reason behind being demisexual? Does Ayurveda have any explanation for why some people experience attraction differently? I’ve read that doshas influence personality and emotional connections—could this be connected to why some people are demisexual while others experience instant attraction?

I also struggle with feeling out of place because most people don’t understand what being demisexual means. They assume I’m just picky or shy, but it’s not about that—it’s how my mind and emotions work. Are there Ayurvedic practices that help with emotional balance and understanding one’s natural tendencies?

Has anyone else here realized they were demisexual later in life? How did you come to terms with it, and did you find ways to explain it to others? Also, does Ayurveda offer insights on how relationships and intimacy work for people who are demisexual? I’d love to hear thoughts on this.

Dr Sujal Patil · Accepted Answer

It sounds like you've done a lot of reflection on your experience, and coming across the term "demisexual" must have been such a relief to finally put a name to how you've felt for so long. Demisexuality—only experiencing attraction after a deep emotional bond—is a valid and natural way to experience relationships.

Why Demisexuality Happens (Biological and Psychological Factors)
Though there isn’t a single scientific explanation, many researchers believe that attraction and sexuality exist on a spectrum, influenced by both biology and life experiences. Demisexuality could be linked to differences in how the brain processes emotional and social bonding. Oxytocin, the hormone involved in emotional attachment, may play a role in deepening attraction for demisexual people before physical attraction develops.

Ayurvedic Perspective on Attraction and Emotional Bonds
Ayurveda doesn’t have a specific term for sexual identities like “demisexuality,” but its philosophy emphasizes individuality and balance, which could offer useful insights:

Doshas and Emotional Connection: According to Ayurveda, doshas (Vata, Pitta, Kapha) influence personality, desires, and connections. Kapha-dominant people are said to be naturally more inclined toward emotional, slow-building relationships due to their grounded and nurturing nature. Vata types may feel anxious or hesitant about intimacy until trust is deeply established, while Pitta types may experience attraction more quickly but still value deep emotional bonds.
Balance and Understanding: Ayurvedic practices for emotional health—meditation, pranayama (breathing exercises), and sattvic (pure) diets—can help you stay emotionally grounded and true to your nature. Practices like journaling or mindfulness may also make it easier to communicate your needs to others.
Dealing with Misunderstandings
It can be hard when others don’t understand or misinterpret your experience. Explaining demisexuality as a need for emotional connection before physical attraction, rather than as a choice or pickiness, can help. You might also remind people that attraction varies greatly among individuals, and that demisexuality is just one of many valid orientations.

Coming to Terms and Finding Community
Many people discover their sexual identity later in life, and it’s perfectly okay if it took time for you to figure it out. It might help to seek online communities where people share similar experiences—they can offer reassurance and advice on navigating relationships and communication.

Ayurveda and Demisexual Relationships
Ayurveda emphasizes finding harmony and honoring your true nature. When it comes to relationships, its teachings might guide you toward connections that align with your need for emotional safety and intimacy. Ayurvedic relationship advice often includes communication, patience, and shared rituals that deepen bonds—practices that may resonate deeply with demisexual individuals.

What Does It Mean to Be Demisexual, and Can Ayurveda Explain This? - #14875

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