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Understanding Lack of Enjoyment in Sexual Intercourse
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Sexual Health & Disorders
Question #47998
45 days ago
469

Understanding Lack of Enjoyment in Sexual Intercourse - #47998

Client_7c8cf0

What can a lady of 22years do after realising that she doesn't enjoy sexual intercourse. However, she finds herself come and sometimes even sqirt but she said she doesn't feel the enjoyment. What could be her problem and what can she do about it?

How long have you been experiencing this lack of enjoyment?:

- More than 1 year

Have you experienced any physical discomfort during intercourse?:

- No, no discomfort

What is your overall stress level in daily life?:

- Low, very relaxed
PAID
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Doctors' responses

THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT AND VALID QUESTION AND FIRST IT IS NECESSARY TO SAY THAT WHAT SHE IS EXPERIENCING IS NOT ABNORMAL NOT A DISEASE AND NOT SOMETHING TO FEEL GUILTY OR ASHAMED ABOUT MANY YOUNG WOMEN EXPERIENCE EXACTLY THIS AND IT IS OFTEN MISUNDERSTOOD

THE FIRST THING TO UNDERSTAND IS THAT ORGASMIC RESPONSE AND SEXUAL ENJOYMENT ARE NOT THE SAME THING THE BODY CAN RESPOND PHYSICALLY THROUGH LUBRICATION OR ORGASM OR EVEN SQUIRTING DUE TO NERVE AND PELVIC MUSCLE ACTIVITY WHILE THE MIND AND EMOTIONAL CENTER REMAIN DISCONNECTED ENJOYMENT COMES FROM INTEGRATION OF BODY MIND SAFETY EMOTION AND DESIRE NOT FROM PHYSICAL RESPONSE ALONE

IN A 22 YEAR OLD WOMAN WITH NO PAIN LOW STRESS AND NORMAL PHYSICAL RESPONSE THE MOST COMMON REASONS ARE EMOTIONAL DISCONNECTION FROM THE ACT ITSELF LACK OF MENTAL AROUSAL OR CURIOSITY UNCONSCIOUS CONDITIONING ABOUT SEX SUCH AS SHAME FEAR PERFORMANCE OR PEOPLE PLEASING NOT FULLY KNOWING HER OWN DESIRES LIKES AND BOUNDARIES NERVOUS SYSTEM STAYING IN OBSERVER MODE RATHER THAN PARTICIPATION MODE

VERY OFTEN WOMEN AT THIS AGE ARE HAVING SEX FROM A PLACE OF SHOULD RATHER THAN WANT EVEN IF THEY CARE FOR THEIR PARTNER THE BODY MAY RESPOND BUT THE INNER SELF IS NOT YET PRESENT

FROM AN AYURVEDIC POINT OF VIEW THIS USUALLY INDICATES THAT THE CREATIVE AND EMOTIONAL ENERGY IS NOT FLOWING FREELY TOWARDS PLEASURE IT MAY BE DIVERTED TOWARDS THINKING ANALYZING OR DISCONNECTING THE HEART AND LOWER ABDOMEN ARE NOT COMMUNICATING FULLY

WHAT SHE CAN DO STARTS WITH REMOVING THE IDEA THAT SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH HER NOTHING IS WRONG

SHE SHOULD FIRST PAUSE ANY PRESSURE TO FEEL ENJOYMENT PLEASURE CANNOT BE FORCED THE MORE IT IS EXPECTED THE MORE IT WITHDRAWS

SELF EXPLORATION WITHOUT GOAL IS VERY IMPORTANT THIS DOES NOT MEAN JUST PHYSICAL TOUCH BUT NOTICING WHAT MAKES HER FEEL SAFE RELAXED CURIOUS AND PRESENT IN HER BODY OUTSIDE OF SEX

SLOWING DOWN DURING INTIMACY AND STAYING WITH BREATH SENSATION AND EMOTION RATHER THAN OUTCOME IS ESSENTIAL IF THE MIND IS WAITING FOR ENJOYMENT IT WILL NOT ARRIVE

COMMUNICATION WITH HER PARTNER IS ALSO IMPORTANT SHE MUST FEEL FREE TO SAY WHAT SHE LIKES DOES NOT LIKE OR IS UNCERTAIN ABOUT WITHOUT FEAR OF DISAPPOINTING

FROM A HEALTH SUPPORT SIDE GENTLE NOURISHING ROUTINES THAT SUPPORT HORMONAL AND NERVOUS BALANCE CAN HELP REGULAR MEALS ADEQUATE SLEEP WARM NOURISHING FOODS AND AVOIDING EXCESS STIMULATION

HERBS OR MEDICINES ARE NOT THE FIRST ANSWER HERE THIS IS NOT A HORMONAL FAILURE IT IS A CONNECTION ISSUE MEDICINES ARE ONLY CONSIDERED IF THERE IS CLEAR FATIGUE ANXIETY OR EMOTIONAL NUMBNESS

IF OVER TIME SHE CONTINUES TO FEEL NO EMOTIONAL OR MENTAL PLEASURE DESPITE SAFETY AND SELF EXPLORATION THEN SPEAKING TO A THERAPIST OR COUNSELLOR WHO WORKS WITH SEXUAL AWARENESS CAN BE VERY HELPFUL THIS IS ABOUT SELF DISCOVERY NOT TREATMENT

MOST IMPORTANTLY SHE SHOULD KNOW THAT ENJOYMENT OF SEX OFTEN DEVELOPS WITH SELF KNOWLEDGE TIME AND EMOTIONAL MATURITY IT IS NOT A RACE AND IT IS NOT A MEASURE OF WOMANHOOD OR HEALTH

THIS IS A PHASE OF LEARNING HERSELF AND THAT IN ITSELF IS HEALTHY AND NORMAL

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A woman may reach orgasm (come/squirt) but still feel less enjoyment/pleasure due to:

Mental disconnect / low emotional arousal

Lack of foreplay / inadequate stimulation type

Hormonal imbalance (thyroid, prolactin, low estrogen)

Low pelvic blood circulation

Past conditioning, guilt, fear, or performance pressure

Overthinking / not fully relaxed inside

Relationship mismatch / communication gap

✅ Since she has no pain and low stress, it can be improved with mind-body connection, pelvic circulation, hormonal balance, and relaxation practices.


🧘‍♀️ YOGA THAT WILL HELP (Best for female pleasure & pelvic circulation)

✅ Daily Yoga (20–25 min)

1. Baddha Konasana (Butterfly Pose) – 2–3 min ✔ improves pelvic blood flow, supports reproductive organs

2. Malasana (Garland Squat) – 1–2 min ✔ opens pelvic region, improves sensation

3. Setu Bandhasana (Bridge Pose) – 10–15 breaths × 2 rounds ✔ tones pelvic floor, boosts pelvic circulation

4. Bhujangasana (Cobra Pose) – 5 rounds ✔ reduces stress and improves hormonal balance

5. Supta Baddha Konasana – 3–5 min ✔ activates parasympathetic system (relaxation + receptivity)

6. Viparita Karani (Legs up the wall) – 5–10 min ✔ nervous system calm + pelvic circulation + hormonal support

🔥 Pelvic Floor Practice (Very important)

✅ Kegel exercises

10 contractions × 3 sets/day

Hold 3–5 seconds each

Do daily for 8–12 weeks

✔ improves vaginal tone ✔ increases sensitivity + orgasm intensity ✔ improves mind-body connection

🌬️ PRANAYAMA / BREATHWORK

Daily (10 minutes)

✅ Anulom Vilom – 5 min ✅ Bhramari – 5 rounds ✅ Deep belly breathing – 3 min

✔ Helps pleasure because enjoyment needs parasympathetic dominance (relaxed nervous system). 🌿 AYURVEDIC SUPPORT (Safe & gentle)

Rasayana for female vitality

✅ Shatavari churna – 3 gm OD with warm milk (night) ✅ Ashwagandha – 2–3 gm OD (night)

Optional (if anxiety/mood swings): ✅ Brahmi vati – 1 tab OD

Continue for 8–12 weeks.

🍲 DIET THAT IMPROVES HORMONES + FEELINGS

✅ Add:

Ghee 1 tsp daily

Almonds/walnuts (4–5 daily)

Dates/figs

Warm milk at night (if suits digestion)

Sesame seeds + jaggery (small amount)

❌ Avoid:

Excess junk/processed food

Excess caffeine

Alcohol/smoking

Very late nights

❤️ Relationship/Intimacy Tips (Most important factor)

✅ Encourage:

Better communication with partner (what feels good, what doesn’t)

No performance pressure

More time for emotional bonding

Relaxation + safety + trust

✅ Pleasure is not only physical it’s strongly linked to: comfort, mindset, emotional connection and stimulation type.

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In Ayurveda, this is called Manas-Sharira Asamanvaya (Mind-Body Disconnect). While her Vata (physical movement/nerve reflex) is functioning perfectly, allowing climax and fluid release but her Mind and Emotional Heart are not engaged. The sensation is happening to the body, but the mind is not tasting it.

Herbal Support (To Connect Mind & Body): * Shatavari Kalpa: 2 teaspoons with warm milk at night. Shatavari acts as a Medhya-Rasayana for women; it nurtures the reproductive system and specifically enhances Preeti (satisfaction/love). * Brahmi Vati: 1 tablet in the morning. This is crucial. It sharpens the mind’s focus so she can actually feel and register the sensations happening in her body, preventing dissociation.

Therapy (Body Awareness): * Abhyanga (Self-Massage): She should massage her body with warm Sesame Oil daily.

The Goal is currently the climax (which she achieves). She needs to shift focus to the Process.

Regards Dr Gursimran Jeet Singh MD Panchakarma

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This is usually psychological, emotional, or hormonal, not a physical defect. Possible reasons Anxiety, fear, guilt, past negative experiences Lack of emotional connection or feeling unsafe Overthinking or pressure to “perform” Hormonal imbalance, stress, fatigue Not enough clitoral stimulation (very common)

What she can do Relax, remove pressure, focus on comfort not performance Communicate openly with partner Explore what feels good (self-awareness helps) Improve sleep, reduce stress, balanced diet If it continues, consult a gynecologist or sex therapist

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Hello First off, thanks for bringing this up so openly. Honestly, what you’re describing happens way more often than people think. It doesn’t mean there’s anything “wrong” with her.

Let’s break it down:

She’s 22. She gets aroused, she can orgasm, and sometimes she even squirts. No pain, no discomfort. Stress isn’t really a factor. But even with all that, she doesn’t actually feel much emotional pleasure or satisfaction during sex. This has been going on for more than a year.

So, her body’s on board, but her mind and emotions haven’t quite caught up.

Why does this happen?

1. Pleasure isn’t the same as orgasm. A lot of people mix these up. Just because someone has an orgasm doesn’t mean they enjoyed themselves. Real enjoyment comes from feeling emotionally safe, being present, wanting it, feeling wanted, relaxed, and connected. You can go through the motions and still not feel much.

2. Emotional or psychological disconnect. Even if stress seems low, there might be other things going on. Maybe she’s worried about “doing it right,” or she can’t stop overthinking. Sometimes, it’s just hard to really let go. Maybe sex feels like something she should do, not something she wants. This is called sexual dissociation—when you’re physically there but not really feeling it.

3. Not enough clitoral-focused pleasure. For a lot of women, penetration on its own doesn’t do the trick. You can have an orgasm and still feel flat if the experience is rushed, all about the goal, or missing longer foreplay. Emotional pleasure often gets left behind.

4. Hormones and brain chemistry. Even with normal cycles, low dopamine or oxytocin can make it hard to really enjoy sex—even if she’s getting aroused physically.

5. Old beliefs or conditioning. Sometimes, stuff like guilt, cultural messages, or fear of letting go can block enjoyment. It doesn’t mean there’s trauma—sometimes these things just stick around in the background.

What can help?

1. Focus on sensation, not just orgasm. Instead of asking, “Did I like it?” try paying attention to touch, warmth, breath, and other body sensations. Take away the pressure to climax.

2. Make foreplay longer and safer emotionally. Try 15–30 minutes of foreplay. Make eye contact, slow things down, use gentle touch, talk openly, and make sure she feels wanted—not rushed. Emotional enjoyment often comes first.

3. Figure out what her body likes. Self-exploration helps. What kind of touch feels good? Once she knows, it’s easier to share that with her partner. Lots of women find sex way more enjoyable after they understand what works for them.

4. Mind–body practices. Deep breathing, yoga (especially hip-openers), body awareness, and mindfulness can really help reconnect mind and body.

5. If she wants, talk to a professional. A counselor (not just a doctor) can help figure out any mental blocks, work on communication, and bring pleasure back. This isn’t about fixing something broken—it’s about taking care of yourself.

Should she see a doctor? Only if she suddenly gets vaginal dryness, pain, loses arousal, or her mood shifts a lot. Otherwise, this isn’t really a medical issue.

And most importantly—

She’s not abnormal. She’s not broken. This is super common, especially for young women. Enjoyment is something you can learn and build with time, safety, and understanding.

Sexual enjoyment isn’t just about what’s happening physically. It’s about feeling safe, present, connected, and relaxed.

Take care, Dr. Snehal Vidhate

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Thank you for sharing this openly I want to reassure you that what you are experiencing is common and does not indicate any physical problem with your body

Even though orgasm or squirting occurs enjoyment during intercourse involves both mind and body It is possible to have physical release without emotional satisfaction

This may be related to mind body connection nervous system sensitivity or sexual conditioning rather than hormonal or medical issue

You should focus on self exploration first Spend time learning what kind of touch pressure rhythm or sensation feels good to you Explore masturbation without pressure to perform or finish

Communication with partner is important You can express what you like and what feels neutral or unpleasant Slow playful and relaxed sexual experiences help connect mind and body

Sensory focus and staying present in the moment increases enjoyment Breathing slowly noticing touch and gentle movements are very helpful

Ayurvedic support for nervous system and reproductive tissue can be given Ashwagandha powder half teaspoon at night with warm milk or water Shatavari powder half teaspoon once daily These strengthen nerves tissues and support emotional balance

Gentle pelvic exercises yoga and meditation support mind body coordination and increase pleasure response

Avoid guilt shame or comparison with others Stress even if subtle can block enjoyment

If after several months of self exploration and gentle support enjoyment does not improve consultation with a sexual health professional experienced in female sexual wellbeing may be considered

With patience awareness and gentle practice most young women regain full connection with sexual pleasure even if orgasms or squirting were occurring without enjoyment

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✅ What She Can Do - Medical Check‑up: Rule out hormonal imbalances (thyroid, PCOS, estrogen/testosterone levels). - Mindful Sexuality: Practice focusing on sensations, slowing down, and removing performance pressure. - Communication: Talk openly with partner about what feels good emotionally, not just physically. - Self‑exploration: Solo exploration can help understand what truly feels pleasurable beyond orgasm.

- Holistic supports: Ayurveda: Ashwagandha (½ tsp with warm milk at night) for vitality and mood. - Shatavari: (½ tsp with milk daily) for hormonal balance and lubrication. - Yoga: Bhujangasana, Setubandhasana, and pranayama for pelvic circulation.

⚠️ Important Note - Lack of enjoyment does not mean something is “wrong” with her body. - It’s often about emotional connection, expectations, or subtle hormonal shifts. - If this persists, consulting a gynecologist or sex therapist can provide clarity.

Warm Regards DR. ANJALI SEHRAWAT

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This is more a psycological condition which could be a representation of some past experiences or trauma. Correction of diet, lifestyle and some medicines paired together will help.

About squirting and orgasims these are normal body events which are out of emotional control and are a result of physical stimulation.

Diet and Nutrition 1. Balanced diet: Focus on whole, unprocessed foods like fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean proteins, and healthy fats. 2. Foods rich in antioxidants: Include foods high in antioxidants like berries, leafy greens, and nuts to help reduce oxidative stress. 3. Omega-3 fatty acids: Find omega-3 rich foods like fatty fish, flaxseeds, and walnuts to support heart health.

Exercise and Physical Activites 1. Regular exercise: Engage in moderate-intensity exercise, like brisk walking, cycling, or swimming, for at least 30 minutes a day. 2. Pelvic floor exercises: Practice Kegel exercises to strengthen pelvic floor muscles.

Stress Management 1. Mindfulness and relaxation: Try techniques like meditation, deep breathing, or yoga to reduce stress and anxiety. 2. Get enough sleep: Aim for 7-8 hours of sleep per night to help regulate hormones and reduce stress. 3. Practise yogasan: Molband, setu bandhasan, chakrasan, veer bhadrasan, halasan, gomukhasan.

Other Lifestyle changes 1. Quit smoking 2. Limit alcohol consumption 3. Maintain a healthy weight

💊Medication💊

Cap. Memorine 2 caps twice a day before food. Cap. Femigen 2 Caps twice a day before food.

Shwet Musli Pak 1 tsp with a cup of hot cow milk in the morning

Head Massage with BHRAMI TAILAM

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